KTOWNLOWDOWN: Why Does Quitting Your Job Bother Other People
lorien1973
· 1 year ago
Working for yourself is rewarding. I've been doing it for 6 years now. I have a few employees now. Life is totally different when every decision you make has a direct impact on your business.
I spend a lot more time "working" then I ever have before as well. I work probably 80 hours per week or more, including weekends.
It has its rewards, but also has its down side. I never tell people I work for myself though. People usually assume it means you are broke, poor, unemployed or whatever. Or it ends up with a stupid conversation on "how can I start my business" in which they quickly lose interest - because they didn't even begin to think about what it really takes.
What's funny is that they start to get glossy eyed when you say that it means less time off, less vacation/sick time, less pay (at first), etc.
Dave
· 1 year ago
What specific ways have you found to "live below your means" that works for you? My life is too expensive but I'm having trouble figuring out how to save money without moving cities!
the comment ghost
· 1 year ago
I can attest to this. I'd add that, in my experience, it's more of a phenomenon with women than men. Since I quit my job recently, all my female friends have been entirely incredulous.
"So where are you working now?.....WHAT?!"
seems to be the common reaction. The same thing happened last time I wasn't employed, five years ago. Like I didn't take check to see if I had enough money to eat first.
Chalk it up to a puritanist cultural vestigial reaction or something. More likely jealousy.
Ivan Kirigin
· 1 year ago
I've gone through something similar. My wife and I cofounded a new web startup that just launched -- we have an 11 month old son. This involved a move across the country and all sorts of other craziness.
The two parts that helped us actually do it: - We got some seed funding - We realized that the worst case scenario was equivalent to the status quo
My wife also mentions our son as a motivating force. It helps you realize that even if you lose a house, you'll still have your family. It makes you reprioritize and get the focus you need to start a business.
Mandatory plug: Our startup is Tipjoy, an easy way to leave tips for stuff you love. It's a micropayment tipping system we hope blogs will use. I just left you a $0.25 tip with a single click. Check it out: http://tipjoy.com
John
· 1 year ago
To answer the question in your post title, I think that it's often about control. Perhaps your former employer is grieving over its inability to dominate you anymore.
Joe
· 1 year ago
I not only went through this exact same thing, when my company was at its height my friend, parents and people from church would ask when I was going to get a real job. To make it even weirder, they would then suggest things I had no skills nor interest in doing.
Bill
· 1 year ago
I had the same experience four years ago when I resigned with five months notice from a stressful job. I planned far ahead and let by boss know when I was leaving so that I could fulfill my obligations to the business planning cycle.
A month before I left I let my close colleagues know. Word spread quickly. I got the same questions. And I also received a stream of colleagues, many of whom had viewed me warily as a competitor, who filed through my office and treated me like a therapist as they unburdened themselves about how unhappy they were.
To a person each of them told me that he/she could never do what I did. I asked "Why not?" Each replied that he had too many "obligations." These boiled down to steep car and house payments, private school tuition for children, consumer habits that demanded high cash flow and, most of all, the fear of losing the status they perceived their jobs held.
The unspoken undercurrent, however, was insecurity. Each appeared to view adulthood as a stream that one tries to ford as a nonswimmer by stepping gingerly from stone to stone in whatever pattern such stones are arranged.
I decided to test the water for a while and bask in the sun. I'll head back to work this year and have the utmost confidence that recession or no I will find fulfilling work because I'm good at what I do. Most of all, I have no problem saying "no" to inappropriate jobs and environments. So I'll have no problem. Thank goodness I am American and not European. We truly live in the land of opportunity.
MIKE IN NY
· 1 year ago
Good Luck!! You can do it.
After starting my company, I knew I had to be be successful as I knew what were my options? Don't use credit cards unless you know your customer is "REALLY" going to pay you.
I had many long nights and sleeping on the floor of my office but after 10 years I can look back and say I had a dream and went with it.
The only thing that sucks is after you bust your balls you have to deal with the taxes/paper work even if you don't make money and dealing with fed/state/local governments
Bonus! I know my Boss is a real a-hole!.
pcook911
· 1 year ago
You have seen Office Space? In my opinion it is the funniest movie ever made. Though some of my younger cousins just don't get it. They haven't had the "privilege" of working in a cubicle with Milton right next door.
badger
· 1 year ago
Did the same thing 10 months ago. And yes, it bugs people. In my case I had been plugging along for twenty years plus, and living below my means the whole time, so not such a financial tight rope walk.
Now I set my own schedule, take the kind of work that I either find enjoyable, lucrative or socially responsible. Sometimes it can be all three!
Good luck, you won't regret the decision.
And for those who wonder about how you would survive some mid to high level health/financial catastrophe, well, its not as if being unhappily employed is any insurance against stock market collapses and/or leukemia.
Badger
Freedom Alone
· 1 year ago
Selection bias. Talk to wage slaves, you'll hear that wage slavery is the rational choice. It isn't. Get out more. There are plenty of other healthy people who know better.
Kestrel
· 1 year ago
I quit my job, and started my own business several years ago. I had pretty much the same response you have had from friends/family.
My dad to this day still checks the classifieds for me, and calls when he has a "tip". The thing of it is, they are are all jobs where I would make about the same money as I do now, but I would have to work 40-60 hours week.
I make as much money as I did at my last job, and work about 1/4 of the hours.
Peter
· 1 year ago
So true, all you say. I spend my days equiping people in exactly that situation to start their own business. The trick is to do it without capital, and to start up part time with some income coming in, while the company is built up to support the family. The other essential are mentors who don't charge $ 300. an hour (CPA or attorneys) but who also have a financial stake in your success. (I tell my friends when you get $ 4.00, I will get $ 1.00, good deal for you, good deal for me. ...and you don't pay me, our vendors pay me. Not you.)
Retired E-9
· 1 year ago
I was probably in a little better shape that you but I did the same in 2006 when I'd had enough of UPS and quit. I'd been part of a company purchased by UPS and after a year or so I realized they didn't like anyone who didn't go to work for UPS out of high school and so quit.
I thought about getting a job in my specialty and even got to the third interview when I realized that I had no ambition to wear another tie unless I was attending a wedding or a funeral.
I was already retired from the USAF so I had some limited income and a health care plan slightly better than bartering for services so I became a private investigator. I went from $75+K to $19K last year.
My blood pressure’s normal, my stomach quit hurting and I treasure playing with my dog slightly above work.
The only real problem is that people I do work for apparently consider me to be at least semi-competent and start recommending my services to others. Since I only work for people I like I’m reluctant to disappoint friends by turning them down. A sense of manners instilled in me by my southern grandmother and enforced by a vicious knuckle leaves me almost incapable of being rude to friends; sigh.
Regardless, I love it. I work when I want (mainly cargo theft) call everyone by their first name whether they like it our not, call a--holes “a--hole” to their face and I’m having as much fun now as I did when I was 21, jumping out of airplanes.
I suspect that I’m more “semi-retired” than you even though I had no intention of retiring quite so soon.
Good luck, enjoy your life, spouse, child and dog; those are the really important things in life.
PKL
· 1 year ago
I did the same thing. Quitting and starting your own business unnerves some people because (1) it's not playing by the rules and (2) it forces people to confront their own decisions.
craig
· 1 year ago
I love the post! I left my job in May 2006 and started a business. I was pretty happy in my job, had good job security, and made a good living.
Starting my own business has been a tremendously positive experience. Several of my former colleagues thought I was crazy because I had 3 kids and one on the way, and I had to go without a paycheck for 2 years and spend a large sum of money to start the business. Nothing worth having is easy to acquire. It's been a struggle, but it's a struggle that my wife and I CHOSE for ourselves and it's not as tough as others think because it's our choosing.
We get by just fine without 48 inch plasma TVs, 200 channel cable packages, dinners out every week, new cars every few years, and a lot of other frivolous expenses that most Americans think they "need".
There is something VERY satisfying about trying to build a business of your own. I went into it knowing there's a good chance the business won't succeed, but I'm okay with that. At least I took my shot and I am as proud of that as any other thing in my life. I see this whole endeavour as a win-win situation...If the business succeeds then I win, and even if the business fails, I win because the entrepreneurial experience and executive decision making experience will be very attractive to an employer and I know I could get another great job in my field.
Suzy
· 1 year ago
My husband and I sold our home 2 years ago outside Washington DC and moved to San Diego. We had no "job" or place to live (we also had a 1-1/2 year old and a 3 month old. I knew I didn't want to go back to my job after my maternity leave was over. People thought we were crazy!
We started our business and now both my husband and I work from home. We work 7 days a week and evenings. But we also have time to take the kids to the beach and they playground. We also don't have to spend 2-3 hours a day (each) in traffic (many people don't take this into account when calculating how much they work).
MCC
· 1 year ago
I quit my job eight months ago with the intent of spending one entire year out of the work force. After thirty years of the workaday world, I thought it was time to do something for myself. It took two years to save the money to pull this off, so I didn't make the decision without some forethought. Luckily, I had been making a good living for a number of years, so it was financially feasible and wasn't going to effect my lifestyle to any degree. When I turned in my resignation, everyone freaked, my employer, my family, my friends, there were only a few people who understood my reasoning. I think that the people who expressed some resentment were actually jealous that they hadn't thought of it or they lacked the circumstances to do the same thing. The resulting time off has been great, my physical and mental fitness has never been better and the planet now revolves at my speed. At this point, I've even started looking, with a low intensity mind you, for a new job to begin when my year of living dangerously expires. That will make some people very happy again.
Abe
· 1 year ago
I am an attorney, and I started my own firm about a year ago after previously practicing with a couple of different firms (I started with Arthur Andersen - in retrospect a dubious career choice). I also have a small real estate development company that owns a few mult-unit rental properties. As a business owner, you are going to see things differently. This is a good thing. I recommend a book called the "Cashflow Quadrant." It's from the same guy who wrote "Rich Dad/Poor Dad." Anyway, the book talks about a lot of the things you're experiencing and its reason, which is that you used to be (and the people making their comments are) an "E" or employee. Now you're a "B" or a business owner. As you can imagine, "E's" and "B's" see things differently. Anyway, I recommend you try networking with other business owners. Try and surround yourself with people who have the same entreprenuarial spirit. You're going to find yourself thinking about a lot of things differently from now on (which reminds me of another book - Think and Grow Rich - I'm giving you the classics). As to living within your means, and this is not my original thought, but don't worry so much about living within your means, rather increase your means. I wish you the best of luck.
SR
· 1 year ago
People should have better manners than to be so rude. What you do and what risks you take are your business.
That being said, let's talk about risk- I'm glad for those of you for whom your hard work has paid off, but by far the majority of businesses fail, and sometimes with people who work hard and smart but are not lucky.
I'm married to one of those guys- he has been very unlucky, and our ventures have not worked out. Liquidated all assets 3 times (including 401Ks), bankrupt twice, barely held onto the house, lost the car... It is truly traumatic. There is a reason for the insecurity.
Being a wage slave might be something you choose to get away from, and the people who stay should respect your decision, but let's be honest- you truly are risking real trauma to your families that they are not. So you should respect that their negative reaction has some genuine roots.
Losing your job and having to look for another one is not the crisis of losing all your assets, and your childen's home, and the humiliation. It's not pleasant to be throwing up every morning wondering how long you can juggle the balls and knowing that you are inevitably going to crash, when bankruptcy becomes blessed relief.
Now the hubby works a job, is a rising star (he genuinely is smart and hardworking), and making well into the six figures. I'm pathetically grateful now to be able to pay the mortgage every month.
Ray
· 1 year ago
The people who I see being really successful and can retire early are all have their own business. It's a scary leap and right now the economy is not the best, but with age discrimination and lack of job security I see having your own business as a great choice. I am now on month 8 of working full time on my own business. There are a lot of challenges, but I see them as solvable.
DensityDuck
· 1 year ago
They look at you funny because you're describing it wrong just to get a quick pop from shock value. You didn't "quit your job", you just changed jobs and now you work for yourself. It's not like you're going on unemployment. Lay off the self-dramatization and people will respond more positively.
David Caddock
· 1 year ago
Most people are unwittingly participating in a story that is inherently supported by our culture. This story tells us that you play your part, or you don't get fed. This causes huge amounts of anxiety on the actors.
In this sense, having a job is one of the most vital parts you can play in the story. Without the job, you don't get fed. This is the essence of the reaction that people have when you decide to quit you job. They think that without the job, you're deciding not to get fed, and worse, deciding not to take part in the story.
The concept of a cultural story is not unique to us. In fact, all cultures, by definition, are the story that the people of that culture tell. Looking at it like this, people having such a reaction to your decision to quit your job is because they perceive you're deciding to leave the story. To see the reaction of another people being removed from their story, see the Native Americans. They really did not like being removed from their story.
For more information on ideas like this, and to learn more for yourself about the underpinnings of civilization, I highly suggest reading "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn.
Seerak
· 1 year ago
DensityDuck, it does not matter how you phrase it. Those who are willing and able to walk away from a job are a reproach to anyone who has denied it to themselves -- either from irrational fear, risk aversion, or bad choices made earlier in life -- and they do not like being reminded in ways they cannot rationalize away. It brings to the forefront things they'd rather forget. (NOTE: not everyone in FT jobs is like that. I'm saying that those who show resentment instead of encouragement, are almost certainly like what I describe here.)
I have one foot in both worlds -- I am not really in business for myself, but worknig as an "employee" -- but on a freelance basis, where I set rates and move from job to job (I work in Hollywood doing visual FX). A key element of my strategy is to be several months ahead in savings (at least) so that I can safely turn down and/or walk off projects with excessively abusive clients. I call it my "F-you fund". This, and my general preference for avoiding debt, has allowed me to be more selective in choosing projects, with a view to minimizing stress while maximizing work with people I respect.
I've been pretty good at spotting bad projects before I get ensnared, but recently I failed to heed the warning signs and signed up onto what turned out to be the worst project I've ever been on. I eventually walked out on it, in retaliation for the abuse dished out to me and others.
Just last month, someone I know in the same biz but has a permanent staff position, was commenting with some derision about my "career-limiting" choices, versus his significantly higher income and stable employment. I just sat there grinning, as he evidently was forgetting what he'd already told me, many times, about his debt load and his resentment of stupid clients he can't avoid because he can't afford to ever say "F-you" and walk away. When I pressed him for details on what he meant, he ended up confirming that what he meant by "career-limiting" was my unwillingness to take it up the nether regions for the sake of income.
I say, there are more ways of being paid than just the monetary. I'm not built to handle stress, and the options I have in lieu of all the toys he has, is a good trade.
Kirk
· 1 year ago
I quit my job a little over four years ago and have been working for myself ever since. My wife was a stay at home mom, two kids, mortgage, all that. I had some cash ratholed - about four months of bills...I work a hell of a lot, but would never go back. I have since taken on a partner, have five other guys working for me, and for the first time in my life had to put $200k on the line for my tax return.
People ask me questions about what it is like all the time. What about the stress? Worrying over where the next check is coming from? I tell them, yes, it seems like we go through some crisis that has the potential to blow up my business or cause some major loss of money or something about once a month. Lesser things about once a week it seems. I tell them, and constantly remind myself, that this is what it feels like to be free.
And here is something that I would only share anonymously or with very good friends - for me there was no turning back. I was either going to make this work or work myself into a pine box trying. Life is way, way too short to live is as some kind of commuter robot, busting my a** for some dips***, waiting and hoping for the next 2% pay raise....and I mean it.
Mama73
· 1 year ago
Ha! They asked me if I was sick when I quit! I was pregnant at the time, and I guess they thought there was a problem. Kind of sweet, really.
It has been great. I love what I do and make more than enough money to cover the loss of bene's (at least for now). Saved up enough so if we hit a dry spell with this talk of "recession" that we should be good for a year / year and a half of "no work" (which seems unlikely).
That said, some people aren't meant for this life. If you can't save money, don't do it!
svandyke
· 1 year ago
Mama73... "If you can’t save money, don’t do it!" ...couldn't have said it any better.
Orbit Rain
· 1 year ago
I just tell people I'm a bum...it's a lot easier to match their expectations...I try not to let them think otherwise...
DensityDuck
· 1 year ago
Lots of self-congratulation, here. Not surprising, given the ego it takes to make it in your own business--and I can't blame people for that one bit, given the circumstances. It takes MASSIVE arrogance to believe that you can succeed on your own. Show me a truly humble man who owns his own business, and I'll show you someone who bought it from another guy.
"I was either going to make this work or work myself into a pine box trying. Life is way, way too short to live is as some kind of commuter robot..."
Ho, ho, ho. So instead of being a wage slave for The Man, you'll be a wage slave for yourself--you'll chain yourself to your own desk and then throw away the key. This is better?
Look, if you want to run your own show, more power to you, and God's blessing. But don't go around s****ing all over the people who stayed behind, because we work just as hard as you do, and take just as much pride in our accomplishments as you do.
The Man
· 1 year ago
It seems I may be the anomaly here; I quit my job to be a stay at home dad. I suppose you could say its a home-based business, but I don't get paid in money.
I got the same questions, the same semi-berating tone from friends who eventually confided that they wished their wives had employment that would allow them to stay at home too.
Our family decided that we wouldn't live in the Playstation World, that is, the world that is always trying to sell you something which will be obsolete in two or three years. My kids sometimes pester me as to why we can't have a Playstation 3, and I tell them "Because there used to be a Playstation 2 and in the near future there will be a Playstation 4".
We don't live a life of luxury and there won't be any new cars in the garage any time soon, then again, my kids will never be their young ages again either.
TVD
· 1 year ago
3 reasons it bothers people that you quit your job:
1. You point out the problems at work and are willing to do something about it
2. You are brave enough to do what they won't do.
3. You now make them realize that they can do something about it, but that are too scared to
Plus, as a regular reader of this blog, I am surprised how this one has hit such a cord with people.
SR
· 1 year ago
Thank you, DensityDuck- saying a little more forthrightly what I was getting to...
Stuff the arrogance- the same as you would like respect for choosing the path of self-employment, give respect for the people who choose to stay regularly employed. You're doing something risky, and should not look down on people for choosing not to take those same risks. They are typically staying there for the sake of their families.
Robert Morgen
· 1 year ago
I think one reason that it bothers other people is because some of them would like to do the same thing!
When I quit my job I had several coworkers and friends who were fearful for me, some who were envious and some who thought I was an idiot.
ALL of them were responding, in some sense, to that part of themselves that would like to do the same thing.
When we quit our jobs it made them face the reality of their own situations, hence the different reactions.
I am so relieved to learn that I am not the only one who quit. The reason why I left was because after 4 years of daily verbal abuse, I couldn't take it anymore. I tried the nice approach, I tried closing the office door, I tried diplomacy, and every written advice given by so called career specialists, but none of them worked. My family convinced me to leave for the sake of my sanity and health. No job is worth dying over. As a matter of fact, I know of many people who stayed at a job, miserable for the sake of providing latest expensive items to keep up with the times, and they each died before retirement! Not to mention the 3 co-workers who died from the employment I just left (2 from cancer and 1 from overdosing on alcohol). They were quickly forgotten as soon as their replacements came. Employers don't give a damn about you but themselves and their profit. They could care less about how the environment affects you and life is too short to die over a jackA**. If people work for a company that makes them happy, then that's wonderful and great, and worth staying. BUT, if a person works for a company that brings them down all the them, and expects the abused employee to treat their abuse as a challenge, then there is something wrong with that picture.
All Comments
I spend a lot more time "working" then I ever have before as well. I work probably 80 hours per week or more, including weekends.
It has its rewards, but also has its down side. I never tell people I work for myself though. People usually assume it means you are broke, poor, unemployed or whatever. Or it ends up with a stupid conversation on "how can I start my business" in which they quickly lose interest - because they didn't even begin to think about what it really takes.
What's funny is that they start to get glossy eyed when you say that it means less time off, less vacation/sick time, less pay (at first), etc.
"So where are you working now?.....WHAT?!"
seems to be the common reaction. The same thing happened last time I wasn't employed, five years ago. Like I didn't take check to see if I had enough money to eat first.
Chalk it up to a puritanist cultural vestigial reaction or something. More likely jealousy.
The two parts that helped us actually do it:
- We got some seed funding
- We realized that the worst case scenario was equivalent to the status quo
My wife also mentions our son as a motivating force. It helps you realize that even if you lose a house, you'll still have your family. It makes you reprioritize and get the focus you need to start a business.
Mandatory plug:
Our startup is Tipjoy, an easy way to leave tips for stuff you love. It's a micropayment tipping system we hope blogs will use. I just left you a $0.25 tip with a single click. Check it out:
http://tipjoy.com
A month before I left I let my close colleagues know. Word spread quickly. I got the same questions. And I also received a stream of colleagues, many of whom had viewed me warily as a competitor, who filed through my office and treated me like a therapist as they unburdened themselves about how unhappy they were.
To a person each of them told me that he/she could never do what I did. I asked "Why not?" Each replied that he had too many "obligations." These boiled down to steep car and house payments, private school tuition for children, consumer habits that demanded high cash flow and, most of all, the fear of losing the status they perceived their jobs held.
The unspoken undercurrent, however, was insecurity. Each appeared to view adulthood as a stream that one tries to ford as a nonswimmer by stepping gingerly from stone to stone in whatever pattern such stones are arranged.
I decided to test the water for a while and bask in the sun. I'll head back to work this year and have the utmost confidence that recession or no I will find fulfilling work because I'm good at what I do. Most of all, I have no problem saying "no" to inappropriate jobs and environments. So I'll have no problem. Thank goodness I am American and not European. We truly live in the land of opportunity.
After starting my company, I knew I had to be be successful as I knew what were my options? Don't use credit cards unless you know your customer is "REALLY" going to pay you.
I had many long nights and sleeping on the floor of my office but after 10 years I can look back and say I had a dream and went with it.
The only thing that sucks is after you bust your balls you have to deal with the taxes/paper work even if you don't make money and dealing with fed/state/local governments
Bonus! I know my Boss is a real a-hole!.
Now I set my own schedule, take the kind of work that I either find enjoyable, lucrative or socially responsible. Sometimes it can be all three!
Good luck, you won't regret the decision.
And for those who wonder about how you would survive some mid to high level health/financial catastrophe, well, its not as if being unhappily employed is any insurance against stock market collapses and/or leukemia.
Badger
My dad to this day still checks the classifieds for me, and calls when he has a "tip". The thing of it is, they are are all jobs where I would make about the same money as I do now, but I would have to work 40-60 hours week.
I make as much money as I did at my last job, and work about 1/4 of the hours.
I thought about getting a job in my specialty and even got to the third interview when I realized that I had no ambition to wear another tie unless I was attending a wedding or a funeral.
I was already retired from the USAF so I had some limited income and a health care plan slightly better than bartering for services so I became a private investigator. I went from $75+K to $19K last year.
My blood pressure’s normal, my stomach quit hurting and I treasure playing with my dog slightly above work.
The only real problem is that people I do work for apparently consider me to be at least semi-competent and start recommending my services to others. Since I only work for people I like I’m reluctant to disappoint friends by turning them down. A sense of manners instilled in me by my southern grandmother and enforced by a vicious knuckle leaves me almost incapable of being rude to friends; sigh.
Regardless, I love it. I work when I want (mainly cargo theft) call everyone by their first name whether they like it our not, call a--holes “a--hole” to their face and I’m having as much fun now as I did when I was 21, jumping out of airplanes.
I suspect that I’m more “semi-retired” than you even though I had no intention of retiring quite so soon.
Good luck, enjoy your life, spouse, child and dog; those are the really important things in life.
Starting my own business has been a tremendously positive experience. Several of my former colleagues thought I was crazy because I had 3 kids and one on the way, and I had to go without a paycheck for 2 years and spend a large sum of money to start the business. Nothing worth having is easy to acquire. It's been a struggle, but it's a struggle that my wife and I CHOSE for ourselves and it's not as tough as others think because it's our choosing.
We get by just fine without 48 inch plasma TVs, 200 channel cable packages, dinners out every week, new cars every few years, and a lot of other frivolous expenses that most Americans think they "need".
There is something VERY satisfying about trying to build a business of your own. I went into it knowing there's a good chance the business won't succeed, but I'm okay with that. At least I took my shot and I am as proud of that as any other thing in my life. I see this whole endeavour as a win-win situation...If the business succeeds then I win, and even if the business fails, I win because the entrepreneurial experience and executive decision making experience will be very attractive to an employer and I know I could get another great job in my field.
We started our business and now both my husband and I work from home. We work 7 days a week and evenings. But we also have time to take the kids to the beach and they playground. We also don't have to spend 2-3 hours a day (each) in traffic (many people don't take this into account when calculating how much they work).
That being said, let's talk about risk- I'm glad for those of you for whom your hard work has paid off, but by far the majority of businesses fail, and sometimes with people who work hard and smart but are not lucky.
I'm married to one of those guys- he has been very unlucky, and our ventures have not worked out. Liquidated all assets 3 times (including 401Ks), bankrupt twice, barely held onto the house, lost the car... It is truly traumatic. There is a reason for the insecurity.
Being a wage slave might be something you choose to get away from, and the people who stay should respect your decision, but let's be honest- you truly are risking real trauma to your families that they are not. So you should respect that their negative reaction has some genuine roots.
Losing your job and having to look for another one is not the crisis of losing all your assets, and your childen's home, and the humiliation. It's not pleasant to be throwing up every morning wondering how long you can juggle the balls and knowing that you are inevitably going to crash, when bankruptcy becomes blessed relief.
Now the hubby works a job, is a rising star (he genuinely is smart and hardworking), and making well into the six figures. I'm pathetically grateful now to be able to pay the mortgage every month.
In this sense, having a job is one of the most vital parts you can play in the story. Without the job, you don't get fed. This is the essence of the reaction that people have when you decide to quit you job. They think that without the job, you're deciding not to get fed, and worse, deciding not to take part in the story.
The concept of a cultural story is not unique to us. In fact, all cultures, by definition, are the story that the people of that culture tell. Looking at it like this, people having such a reaction to your decision to quit your job is because they perceive you're deciding to leave the story. To see the reaction of another people being removed from their story, see the Native Americans. They really did not like being removed from their story.
For more information on ideas like this, and to learn more for yourself about the underpinnings of civilization, I highly suggest reading "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn.
I have one foot in both worlds -- I am not really in business for myself, but worknig as an "employee" -- but on a freelance basis, where I set rates and move from job to job (I work in Hollywood doing visual FX). A key element of my strategy is to be several months ahead in savings (at least) so that I can safely turn down and/or walk off projects with excessively abusive clients. I call it my "F-you fund". This, and my general preference for avoiding debt, has allowed me to be more selective in choosing projects, with a view to minimizing stress while maximizing work with people I respect.
I've been pretty good at spotting bad projects before I get ensnared, but recently I failed to heed the warning signs and signed up onto what turned out to be the worst project I've ever been on. I eventually walked out on it, in retaliation for the abuse dished out to me and others.
Just last month, someone I know in the same biz but has a permanent staff position, was commenting with some derision about my "career-limiting" choices, versus his significantly higher income and stable employment. I just sat there grinning, as he evidently was forgetting what he'd already told me, many times, about his debt load and his resentment of stupid clients he can't avoid because he can't afford to ever say "F-you" and walk away. When I pressed him for details on what he meant, he ended up confirming that what he meant by "career-limiting" was my unwillingness to take it up the nether regions for the sake of income.
I say, there are more ways of being paid than just the monetary. I'm not built to handle stress, and the options I have in lieu of all the toys he has, is a good trade.
People ask me questions about what it is like all the time. What about the stress? Worrying over where the next check is coming from? I tell them, yes, it seems like we go through some crisis that has the potential to blow up my business or cause some major loss of money or something about once a month. Lesser things about once a week it seems. I tell them, and constantly remind myself, that this is what it feels like to be free.
And here is something that I would only share anonymously or with very good friends - for me there was no turning back. I was either going to make this work or work myself into a pine box trying. Life is way, way too short to live is as some kind of commuter robot, busting my a** for some dips***, waiting and hoping for the next 2% pay raise....and I mean it.
It has been great. I love what I do and make more than enough money to cover the loss of bene's (at least for now). Saved up enough so if we hit a dry spell with this talk of "recession" that we should be good for a year / year and a half of "no work" (which seems unlikely).
That said, some people aren't meant for this life. If you can't save money, don't do it!
"If you can’t save money, don’t do it!"
...couldn't have said it any better.
"I was either going to make this work or work myself into a pine box trying. Life is way, way too short to live is as some kind of commuter robot..."
Ho, ho, ho. So instead of being a wage slave for The Man, you'll be a wage slave for yourself--you'll chain yourself to your own desk and then throw away the key. This is better?
Look, if you want to run your own show, more power to you, and God's blessing. But don't go around s****ing all over the people who stayed behind, because we work just as hard as you do, and take just as much pride in our accomplishments as you do.
I got the same questions, the same semi-berating tone from friends who eventually confided that they wished their wives had employment that would allow them to stay at home too.
Our family decided that we wouldn't live in the Playstation World, that is, the world that is always trying to sell you something which will be obsolete in two or three years. My kids sometimes pester me as to why we can't have a Playstation 3, and I tell them "Because there used to be a Playstation 2 and in the near future there will be a Playstation 4".
We don't live a life of luxury and there won't be any new cars in the garage any time soon, then again, my kids will never be their young ages again either.
1. You point out the problems at work and are willing to do something about it
2. You are brave enough to do what they won't do.
3. You now make them realize that they can do something about it, but that are too scared to
Plus, as a regular reader of this blog, I am surprised how this one has hit such a cord with people.
Stuff the arrogance- the same as you would like respect for choosing the path of self-employment, give respect for the people who choose to stay regularly employed. You're doing something risky, and should not look down on people for choosing not to take those same risks. They are typically staying there for the sake of their families.
When I quit my job I had several coworkers and friends who were fearful for me, some who were envious and some who thought I was an idiot.
ALL of them were responding, in some sense, to that part of themselves that would like to do the same thing.
When we quit our jobs it made them face the reality of their own situations, hence the different reactions.
Robert Morgen :)
The Spiritual Entrepreneur - http://sae.holisticplus.org/
New Paradigm Media - http://thedowhatyoulove.com
If people work for a company that makes them happy, then that's wonderful and great, and worth staying. BUT, if a person works for a company that brings them down all the them, and expects the abused employee to treat their abuse as a challenge, then there is something wrong with that picture.